Fooled AGAIN!?

I miss Tolga, so so much! I miss how we fight and then make love. I miss his broken English and how is says "how is possible" for every little thing. Things were great, but something alarming caught my attention this last evening. I was casually killing time on facebook, when I noticed that he had tagged someone wishing them a happy birthday. The post said "José Alegre, happy birthday to you" and there was this video underneath. 

Wait a minute! Didn't he say his cousins wouldn't spare anything gay on his profile and they would make fun of him. I think the picture we took last night was nothing "gay" as compared to this advert. I was on one side of the frame, he was on the other and his friends, whom with he has thousands of pictures on facebook already sat in the middle on the other side of the table. All the food I made was kept on the table.

So, I decided to look through his facebook page and found another video, that of a gay gigolo dancing topless. Similar to what you would see in a show in Amsterdam. This was one of his friends, he had shared the video of this guy on his wall. And some of his other friends had commented on it as well; stuff like "hoş" (Turkish work for nice) and seksi (sexy). It rang a bell again! how is it possible that his so called "cousins" would ignore that and would mind a picture with me, which clearly didn't even have a physical contact. 

I decided to confront him through an email. Asking him how our photo would have been objectionable to his family while a video like above and the gigolo dance video were perfectly fine. To which he replied "it is Renault advert" completely ignoring the other video and a few minutes later that video was deleted from his page.

Am I really getting into a relationship with a man who wants to be with me but not want to be seen with me? I may not have learned much from my previous relationship or dating experiences, I may not know what I want from a relationship. I SURE KNOW what I DON'T want! A man who is ashamed of being seen with me is certainly not what I expect. I decided to overlook this incident. When he didn't reply to my last email I sent him a message on Viber asking him where he was and what he was doing. His response was very limited "I am not free". He is jobless and there is nothing that I know of that can keep him so busy. Earlier we would speak at least 2 to 3 times a day, but just because I confronted him today he chose to ignore me. This is exactly how most Turks behave actually. Turkish people are usually scared of confrontations and of those who speak openly. 


After that message I sent him my usual "Good night baby" message and I'm still waiting for a reply.

Now, as the clock is about to strike 00:00 and a new day is about to start I feel heart broken and disappointed! Not because of what I said... because of the fact that I was with him all that while I have known him for 8 months and despite having been dumped by him in October 2012 over an SMS I still trusted him again and started everything all over again. I know I am not perfect and somewhere in my heart it could be my fault as well. But isn't open and honest conversation the virtue of any relationship?

I don't blame him or me... we are two very different people I guess!

IN A RELATIONSHIP!

They say the way to a man's heart is through is stomach. I sure was in a mood to cook something for him on my short trip. I wanted him to miss me when I was gone. So, last Saturday in Brussels my man and I decided to go shopping. For most westerns my man also find it hard to differentiate between Asian stores and Indian stores. When I suggested that we had to get some Indian spices, he took me to a Chinese market. As one could expect there was nothing Indian there. But luckily in another store near by I was able to find most of the stuff I wanted. I stuffed my basket with different types of curry mixes to take home, along with cumin seeds, hot chilly powder (another luxury item if you live in Istanbul) and bay leaves for evening supper. 

After food shopping he wanted to take me clothes shopping, which I had asked for. We had some communication gap and it lead to a lovers tiff. I didn't speak to him for the entire 2 hours and just kept walking behind him. He tried to break the ice several times but I denied even looking at any of the places he was showing me. We walked for almost 3 kms and reached a wonderful cafe "Flamingo" located at 169, Rue de Laeken, where I had the pleasure of meeting two of my man's best friends, Biser and Ekmel. They were very friendly and we all gelled well instantly. I had met Biser in Istanbul earlier and it was great to see him again. Ekmel and I got talking about men in their 30s. Usually commitment phobic, bed hoppers and the ones proficient in giving lamest excuses. Tolga is 36, so he fits in that category as well. As we were parting ways after 2 hours of great conversation and coffee. I invited them both home for dinner that evening.

A feast for four that took me almost 2 hours to prepare had chicken curry, spicy red beans (Rajma), cashew rice (Pulao), salad, bread along with Baklava and Ice cream for dessert. I was pleased with my efforts when I saw how much his friends loved the food. They continued to appreciate me through out. I can see Tolga felt really proud of me. While eating he even took a photo of us, Ekmel instantly suggested uploading it on facebook. To my surprise Tolga was not very happy doing that. Neither did he seem interested, he started to present excuses, the lamest of excuses "my cousins are friends with me on facebook and they might comment in front of my parents". I didn't pay much attention to that. After dinner we all spoke for several hours; finally, the boys left. It was around 12:30 AM, I was dead tired; fell asleep but kept waking up, he was on his phone. I wanted to see if he was posting something on his facebook. My phone was lying next to me, I went to his profile but there was absolutely nothing. At 3:00 AM he retired to bed. I thought he would at least cuddle me, kiss me but he went off to sleep facing the other side. That behaviour was kinda strange for me. We can hardly keep our hands off each other. So, I made a slight move. He still didn't move, I went further and spooned him from behind. There was still no reaction, finally he asked "you are not sleeping". I was happy that he had initiated a conversation. We got talking in bed and all of a sudden he asked me to show him my phone and messages. I wasn't expecting it, but if I hadn't agreed to it it would be that I was trying to hide something. He started to look through my messages and whatsapp messages and Viber and photos. Before Tolga proposed I had been talking to a few men, there were nude photos that I had received or sent. Some of them were compromising indeed. he didn't like it and asked me for a clarification. I was very honest and told him exactly who they were. I also told him that I had troubles trusting him as well as he broke up with me through an sms 8 months back. We decided to put everything behind us. We both knew that it was both our faults and in order to move ahead we had to start afresh. Knowing that he wouldn't do the same in return; I went on facebook at 4:30 AM and changed my relationship status to "in a relationship"!

Back home in Istanbul!

After two wonderfully enthralling days in Brussels it was time to head home. We were at the Atomium when he got a call and started to speak with someone in Flemish. I tried to eve drop but it was really difficult for me. I was curious to know what the call that lasted almost 10 minutes was all about. I was certain there was something serious. Finally, he hung up and looked at me and said he had some work. I curiously asked "what time?". "Now! but I can stay till 4:00 PM and go later. This means I cannot come with you to the airport".
We rushed home, I was a bit sad that he wouldn't be able to come to see me off, but then circumstances were to blame. I didn't mind it much, as all that mattered was being together that moment. Anyway there is hardly anything romantic in going to the airport. We were famished by the time we reached home, so I started to make most of the 90 minutes that I had with him. I cooked Indian style fish curry for him. He we had lunch and still had almost 30 minutes. After lunch he hugged me, we started to make out and it lead to a quicky! Not that I had any reservations... In fact it was sweet and kind of him. I surrendered myself into his arms and those were the quickest 30 minutes we spent. He took me to the railway station, to get me on a train, one I boarded he kept waving at me, throwing kisses while everyone in my compartment smiled at us.

A perfect boyfriend, I couldn't have asked for anyone better!

Introduction

My name is Gabriel Folklore. It is clearly NOT my real name! I just made it up thinking it would be better to pick something not related to who I am or what I do. That's the price one has to pay for being honest. Honesty is a difficult path after all and I would not like my job that I love so much to have an impact of who I am in my personal life. So, that fake identity!

This blog is to tell the truth and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH about being being me. I am Indian, was born in a village in India, now I am an English teacher. I'm gay and out to my family AND in love with a wonderful Turkish-Belgian guy. 

I am posting this first post from the home of my partner. Who I am visiting just for two days, he is out buying grocery shopping and I am home. I will return home to Istanbul tomorrow and I am not aware of what the future of this relationship would be.

 Brussels is beautiful and so is the love we share...